Friday, 16 August 2013

Building something new...

Something just recently struck me. I've been trying to 'fix' the situation and get through this grieving so I can go back to being the person I was before I lost him - that's normal, it's human nature to try to solve it, fix it, get through it, repair it, whatever you want to call it. I'm not rushing it. I know grieving takes a long time. But, all the same, my goal has been to 'repair' the broken me. The end goal being - get 'it' back to the way it was before. But I just realised that's not going to work. Not at all. Now I see the reason why it's so damn hard to heal after this huge loss. We presume we can eventually go back to being the person we were before this life-changing devastating event. We can't. We are changed forever.

We were once single. Then we fell in love and were part of a couple with all that that entails - love, companionship, friendship, laughter, intimacy, a shared history. Does removing one half of that couple leave the surviving half single again - a whole individual, complete but single? No, definitely not.

We are now half a broken entity. But that's okay. Or, it *will* be okay. We can take the broken pieces and make something new, something just as good, if not better, than it was before. We have new raw materials to work with, some are very familiar, some individual pieces are even the same, some are brand new, some are faded a bit on the outside, vulnerable but strong, some seem broken but are actually just different.

I'm going to start working on building the new me - a person I never met before, not a single person, and not a person who's one half of a couple, just a whole new different me.


  1. Spot on Deb. Agree with you completely. Losing Tony has changed me completely and I can never go back to the person I was before I lost him. My whole outlook and perspective on things has changed.

    1. Thanks Anne. That's exactly it. It's taken me a while to realise it. But it's good too because it means instead of struggling to be what we were before, we can simply focus on being something new. xxx

  2. I think the new you will be awesome!!

  3. Hi Deb
    That's a very big and positive step!

    I wrote a long reply that started going on about me too much. So I deleted it! :)


  4. Oh I really wish you hadn't deleted it Alan. You comment and chat away, I'm happy to listen. I think it's wonderful that the internet gives us a chance to communicate with people going through the same stuff as ourselves. Imagine the loneliness of widowhood before the net? Christ I'd have lost my mind.