Monday, 6 August 2012

Focussing on what I DO have...

"Focus on what you have in life, not on what you don't have."

I read that line today and although at first the cynical part of me (i.e. 98%) wanted to shoo it away as more self-help clich├ęd nonsense, I quickly realised there could be some sense in it and perhaps it will help. Is there anything at all to be said for focussing on our loss? Will some good or some reward come from imagining if I still had my life with my friend, the father of my children, the man I was with for 23 years? It's good, of course, to always remember him and to honour him but at the end of the day what good can come from focussing on what we are missing out on?

So, I'll attempt to focus on what I have. My two sons and my daughter are at the top of this list. I also have friends, some a bit fair-weatherish! But some are really wonderful. I have my two brothers, my mother. My brother is one of my closest friends. I'm grateful to have friends who care without conditions; they care without pity. And it's not just their caring that I appreciate, it's the laughter I share with them. Although I don't have work, I do have plenty of work skills and those skills will help me to find new work and a better financial future. I have a certain amount of sanity remaining. It's not all gone down the toilet. I have a love of books and a love of music, both of which are slowly coming back. I have a lovely city within 15 minutes of me with theatres, restaurants, cafes, bars and live music venues. I have a home (for now at least).

My heart is confused and my stomach is tight with stress; I'm struggling to keep that black cloud away; but already just writing that paragraph above, focussing on what I DO have has made my load feel much lighter. This could be the way forward.


  1. I think you are moving forward, Deb. I am proud of you and how brave you are!

    Love, -Pam

  2. I woke up and thought of you today, sent you a little PM on the Dis. Do you realize how far you have come in such a short time? Your children, your family and your friends will see you through this time. I don't know why I feel so touched by a stranger in another country, but I do. Maybe it is some kind of sisterhood? Prayers and good thoughts that you will continue to find a moments peace here and there. <3 Judy (snapppyd from the Dis)

  3. Thanks Judy. You're such a kind person. Thank you for sticking with me. Yes, maybe it is a sisterhood. I don't have any sisters so I'm glad to have found one :) xxx

  4. I strongly believe in the concept of gratitude and that appreciating the good in your life brings more blessings. I can see how this theory can be "shoo'd" ,as you put it, as New Age nonsense - but I've seen it work first hand.

    Holding tight to the love I have for the people and blessings granted to me in life have kept my mindset positive and hopeful. I think it's great that you focus on your kids. It's important to have a touchstone in life and it sound like you have two - lucky you :) All the best.