Tuesday, 27 March 2012

The sun is shining and I don't give a shit

It's 10 weeks today. 10 weird, confusing, frustrating, angst-ridden weeks.

I still can't believe he's gone. I can't believe I'll never see him again. How can that be? How can we go through life spending 95% of our time thinking about trivia when one day, in the blink of an eye, it's all over. Forever.

I think (certainly, I get the vibe) that some people wish I was okay by now. I've even been asked "what's wrong?" a couple of times. Hmmmm. My life, my children's lives, have been turned upside down. The man I met when I was 19 and stayed with for 23 years is gone. My children's father... funny, witty, intelligent, kind... is gone, never to guide them or joke with them or cheer them on again.

I feel myself slipping... deeper... that brain-shift you feel when depression is taking hold. And, although you know it's taking hold, you are powerless to do anything about it.

I have friends... I have family... but nothing, right now, can impact this exhaustion, this grief.