I have a hundred million words stored in my head bursting to get out. Details of how D and I got to where we are today and how my life and my children's lives have changed dramatically in the last few months.
From the very beginning of this nightmare, I felt the need to write it all down because, frankly, my mind isn't big enough or strong enough to keep it all locked inside. So much detail, so many occurrences, too much information, all flying at us too fast, too soon, too stressful.
Initially, back in December, I started to keep notes: information that the first consultant gave us about the diagnosis, appointment times, specialists' names, advice on diet for cancer patients such as juicing, sprouting etc. In the blink of an eye all the appointments, information and advice became irrelevant and D was fast-tracked to a hospice to live out his final days. So my notes and my plans became irrelevant overnight.
However, I still have a need (an overwhelming need) to write it all down - not so much the minute detail of helpful diets and potential treatments but the actual events themselves and how it all came about. I'll devote the next few postings to that topic: how it started and how we got to where we are today.